Jasmyne Boswell

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” – Oprah Winfrey

Question

What’s the difference between getting feedback/coaching from a professional coach and getting it from a good friend? Obviously my friend won’t charge me, but what can a coach do that she can’t? – M.K.

Answer

This is a familiar question. Not knowing the friend you have in mind, I’ll have to give you a more general answer. In short, if you have a friend who isn’t afraid to hurt your feelings, can see you through your blocks, can counsel you through your doubts, can commit themselves to you through whatever process, project or goal your wanting to accomplish, you could have a good coach in a friend.

One reason people often choose a coach over a friend is they’re they will compromise their friendship in the process. If you’re working through a sensitive issue or serious about conquering a particular ambition, your journey can be likened to that of a long distant runner or a woman having a baby. You hit “walls” you never knew you had. And if you’re going for something beyond your usual grasp, you are also likely to come up against all your personal demons.

If you are thinking about using a coach for a solo endeavor, like a good friend, a coach takes some of the isolation out of the process by: listening to you during the hard times (as often as they come up), brainstorming with you when you’re stuck, giving you the advantage of another point of view and championing you through the ups and downs along the way. A good coach also knows how to critique and make suggestions, giving you honest feedback that inspires you without crushing your spirit.

Depending on what you’re embarking upon, when considering working with a friend, you have to decide whether the friend actually has the time to support you. A coach makes the time because they are getting paid. Your friend may have a full- or part-time job, or have a family as their top priority. It is my experience that a good friend will want to be there for you more than they actually can be. This often becomes a sensitive issue.

Since you will be hitting all your edges, you’ll want to consider how your friend handles his- or herself when he or she hits obstacles or limiting beliefs. Does he or she persevere or crumble, or fall somewhere in between? Do he or she stretch and therefore know what it’s like to get frustrated when more is expected than he or she is able to deliver? By the way, while you’re at it, you might want to ask yourself these same questions. If you’re asking these questions, I’m assuming whatever you’re embarking upon, you are challenging yourself usual reach.

If you’re doing something just for the fun of it, this level of inquiry may not be as necessary. But, if you are serious about breaking through to new levels of yourself, it’s a good idea. When someone comes to me with a question (coach or friend), this is an inquiry I address or advise. It’s good to know where you stand, before you start; especially if you are considering hiring someone and putting your time and money on the line. Any time you stretch, you are introduced to aspects of yourself you haven’t encountered before.

About a year ago I wrote an article on what makes a good coach. Similar to what I wrote then, my advice is to contemplate the friend you’re considering and then interview a few coaches. There is generally no charge for an introductory session. Either way, you are entering a relationship. Some things to consider are:

• Do you and your friend/coach have stylistic similarities? Is the chemistry right?
• Have they experienced their own successes and failures? This is important. Rarely can someone successfully take you to or rescue you from a place they haven’t traveled themselves.
• Find out how they work and what you can expect from each meeting,
• If it’s a project, make sure they can be there for the long haul.
• If you have any doubts, get referrals.

If you choose the way of a coach, he or she is an investment. Like an investment, you need to give your choice careful consideration. You also need to give that same consideration when choosing a friend as your guide. The price may seem right, but make sure it’s truly in your best interest.

Consider these two quotes:  Sophocles said, “Quick decisions are unsafe decisions.” Amelia Earhart said, “The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure, the process is its own reward.”

Jasmyne Boswell is a marketing consultant and writing coach. For over 27 years she has been a mid-wife to professionals in all fields, helping them successfully birth their businesses, practices and projects. She uses her creative gift with the written word to help bring her clients’ ideas into form. She can be reached at 268-5807, or by visiting www.jasmyneconsulting.com.