Who says you have to work hard to have a great relationship?When you are upset and struggling with an issue, I’m advising you to not try and talk things out, to not communicate, because your reasoning is out of whack. In low moods, a toilet seat left up is a grim sign of a relationship in trouble. In higher moods, it’s no big deal.
You can tell from the title that this book is a little different from the average “how-to-communicate-and-really-make-your-relationship-work” self-help bookshelf material that makes most men suddenly remember they had an important meeting on the other side of the island.
In fact, the real truth is: Men will love this book! (or at least the message). Essentially, the book tells women to just relax, trust their instincts, and stop working so hard at the relationship. Makawao author Lynn Rasmussen says that most of the time, when women take care of themselves and put their own needs first, any perceived relationship problems will work themselves out.
“You can’t take care of anything or anybody unless you take care of yourself first,” Rasmussen says. “When you’re mad or feeling low, it’s just not the time to make decisions about your future.”
The book is written in a breezy, reassuring tone, focusing on the fact that women have all they need in life right now, and encouraging women to “design your life consciously.” “Often the problem is not you or your relationship. The problem is a poorly designed life,” Rasmussen says. “Tradition is gone. You are reinventing everything on the run: How to eat, exercise, partner, parent, work, worship. You’re in a perpetual design space, and that takes skills.”
Spunky chapter titles like “You First” and “Communication is Not the Key” are backed up with interesting facts and sensible pointers. The sections are concise, with enough depth that you don’t feel like you’re reading the same point over and over in different wording (a fault with some self-help books).
As a board member of the International Society for Systems Science, Rasmussen approaches the topic from a clear-headed scientific perspective. “Principles from complex systems are easy to apply to everyday life,” she says.
Incorporating the perspective brought by 30 years of marriage, Rasmussen urges women to celebrate the genetic differences between themselves and their men. “Yes, he’s different from you, and that’s wonderful; that’s what you need,” she says. “You have different strengths, and you are continually evolving.”
My only critique would be that the Men Are Easy theme, while catchy, is overly general. “Men essentially need three things: food, sex and appreciation,” Rasmussen says. Although that may certainly apply to what we think of as a “guy-guy,” it does not in any way apply to all men out there.
The only way to know if it applies to your man is to pick up a copy of the book when it comes out in March 2007 (or order online now).
Guys, are you really that easy?
4 out of 5 Shakas
Men Are Easy
by Lynn Rasmussen
Mohala Media
Makawao, Hawai‘i, 2007
paperback, $18.95
ISBN 0-9785762-0-9
www.menareeasy.net