What if we were to take stock in every moment and continuously self-adjust when we step out of line?
It is said that when an airplane leaves its location to arrive on our little island out in the middle of a vast sea, it leaves point A and arrives at point B regardless of the fact that it is off course 90 percent of the time. It manages to reach its destination through constant self-observation and course correction.
Our lives are like that too; we can course-correct and arrive exactly where we want to go even when missing the mark 90 percent of the time. With that said, if a plane only checked its location and corrected once per flight, instead of through constant self-monitoring, it would surely miss the mark by miles.
Clearly, regular self-assessment and assessment of our relationships is critically important to have the awareness that is necessary for self-correction. And yet, it is not enough. We also must take action that is in alignment with what we are trying to create or where we are trying to go.
Otherwise, self-assessment is solely a form of reprimand, blame and guilt—not transformation. However, when we add the element of aligned action to our self-inquiry. Ahh, sweet success!
For the first time in at least 10 years, weight loss was not on my list of New Year’s goals. With the end of 2010 and the onset of 2011, I got to put a huge check mark (with about 100 exclamation points) after “weight loss,” happily down 33 pounds from this time last year. So a third and critical element of change and transformation is celebration and honoring our successes—even the baby steps. A friend of mine using the same weight-loss method complained to me that she is only losing one pound a week, to which I exclaimed, “Those pounds add up! All I lost was one pound a week—for 33 weeks!” Rejoicing in each little step helps to keep us moving forward.
When being unconscious, we tend to look back on our day, or our year, and lament over all the things that didn’t go well. While that is a form of self-assessment, we need to balance that with what our successes and strengths were. Otherwise, we weaken our confidence and sense of hope, making our next steps tentative rather than powerful.
When it comes to relationships, we also must take an assessment of whether we need to make some adjustments and to honor what is being done well.
In addition to assessing the relationship, be sure to assess your role in it. Ask yourself (depending on your stage of involvement), “What is it like to date me—or ask me on a date?” “What is it like to share a dream or idea with me?” “What is it like to wake up with me?” “What is it like to love me?”
Focus first on what you can do to make the relationship more loving, kind and compassion-filled before you assess what your partner can do differently. Once you have done that, you may find they automatically do things differently in response to what you do differently.
Intellectual Foreplay Question of the Week
What deserves celebration in your life?
Love Tip of the Week
Assess both the good things and the ones that need improvement, take action in alignment with what you want to create, and celebrate any movement in the direction you want to go.