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Beautiful People

June 28, 2012
Charles Laquidara · Kayak Talkin' , The Maui Weekly

I love beautiful people. A huge proportion of people (at least here in America) are very beautiful.

But sometimes I wonder why a lot of the most beautiful people hold up a line of cars behind them in parking lots just so they can be closer to the door of the store they're going to shop in.

I also wonder what it is that makes beautiful people sometimes wear thongs at the beach. A woman friend once told me it's because they have no self-esteem problems, they are very comfortable being themselves--and they probably just don't care what others think. I admire this.

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However, I am concerned when I see beautiful moms and dads buying their beautiful children jumbo-sized soft drinks full of high-fructose corn syrup and lots of other chemical ingredients that give the stuff color, taste and flavor.

When I last Googled it, I believe Houston, Texas, had the highest proportion of beautiful people. Maybe it's because people in Houston are experts at all things culinary and very clever at masking the reality of what's inside that piled-up mass of edibles on that big ol' plate they just set down on the table. Who knows?

Hawai'i probably isn't too far behind Houston on the beautiful people graph. I see lots of them here--in line at KFC and Costco--ordering up the loco mocos at some of our favorite fast-food eateries.

In a very despotic way, the mayor of New York recently tried to legislate a law preventing the sale of Slurpees and other soft drinks that were over a certain size. He was criticized by many of his political allies (including the Daily Show's Jon Stewart) for trying to make all these beautiful people a bit less beautiful.

So far, nothing seems to be working. Maybe some day it will be okay to make rules to help beautiful human beings live healthier and longer lives.

This opinion column is written by Charles Laquidara, who has lived on Maui for over 11 years. He worked at WBCN radio in Boston for 30 years as the morning-drive host of a show called "The Big Mattress" and is occasionally heard on Mana'o Radio here on-island. Email



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