Tales from the tropics by Hawai‘i’s popular humor columnist.Nothing is scarier than picking up a “humor” book by an author you don’t know. If it’s not funny, it’s just going to be painful.
Although a lot of O‘ahu residents probably know Charles Memminger from his regular “Honolulu Lite” columns in the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, most Maui folks would say, “Charles who?”
Still, the dark red book adorned with clip art of a mongoose, jellyfish and rubbish bin, with the title Hey Waiter, There’s an Umbrella in my Drink! was too tempting for me to pass up. Fortunately, I started laughing on page 2, at the description of Memminger as a former “staff writer for Baywatch Hawai‘i, one of the longest running shows on television. (The show’s cancellation shortly after he was hired is purely coincidental.).”
A writer with the Star-Bulletin since 1980, Memminger has twice been named the top humor columnist in the country for newspapers under 100,000 in circulation. Hey, Waiter his first book, is a compilation of his best columns. While for column compilations, nothing beats our own Tom Stevens’ Shave Ice (1974-’88 columns from The Maui News), Memminger’s offering is pretty darn good.
His subject matter covers the day-to-day matters that all Hawai‘i residents can relate to: e.g., cockroaches (“Anyone can swat a cockroach with a rubber slipper or rolled-up newspaper, but it takes a real sportsman to pop the head off a roach with a blast of air from a hand-pumped target pellet pistol.”); ABC Stores (“ABC Stores flourished because tourists hate to leave Waikiki almost more than Honolulu residents hate to enter there.”); and of course, Spam musubi (“A state law requiring Spam musubi to be refrigerated? Are you mad? Spam has an unrefrigerated half-life longer than plutonium.”).
But some of his best pieces are about the broader topics of human existence, and specifically, the more delicate details. “The Body Politic” column had me rolling, with reports from the various body “departments.” (“The Office of Hair also had a particularly good year. It not only held its own on top of the head, but also began new colonies in the ears, nose and parts of the back.”) In “A Bug in Your Ear,” Memminger describes his experience with a curious gnat. (“I tried to remember what the inner ear looked like. I knew that somewhere in there was a hammer, an anvil, a stirrup, and, I believe, a candelabra.”)
Anyone who loves the wonderful humor writing of Dave Barry will enjoy Memminger’s style. Each column is well-written and researched, but full of surprises and one-liners that will have you dying to read them aloud to a friend—preferably someone lounging next to you, sipping one of those drinks that Memminger laments in his title piece: “And it’s not just umbrellas they stick in your drinks. Pineapple stalks, chunks of oranges, handfuls of cherries, curlicue straws (which if untangled, would reach to Moloka‘i), olives, onions…bamboo reeds—you need a machete to chop your way to the liquid part of the drink.”
If you’ve already reached that part of your drink, it may be time to order another one as you keep reading.
“Hey, waiter…!”
5 out of 5 Shakas