What would happen if you decided that you were deserving of love?Let’s take a look at the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” The Golden Rule works well when a person knows the beauty of his or her own true authentic nature. When we truly know our spirit-selves, it seems ludicrous to allow anyone to mistreat or harm us, and equally insane to mistreat them.
The Golden Rule works great when we only allow people to treat us kindly, but I know an awful lot of people who allow themselves to be treated horribly, and I certainly would not want them doing the same “unto me.”
When we are not awakened to who we really are, or we mistakenly identify with our ego (and a wounded one at that), or we suffer from low self-esteem, we end up thinking we don’t deserve love. The flip side of not deserving love is the belief that we deserve pain and harm. When that is a core, often unconscious, belief, we allow others to treat us poorly. If we then pass that forward, doing unto others in a like manner, we have created havoc on Earth.
You may have heard of the concept that we attract a reflection of ourselves in relationships. While I believe this is true, I don’t believe that it is truly understood. Most of us misconstrue this to think that it is a literal reflection—if we attract a cheater, it means we are also a cheater. But in reality (and yes, this is a scary thought…), it actually means that our relationships are simply a reflection of how we treat ourselves.
Consider this: What if we hook up with people who verify what we believe about ourselves? What if we hook up with emotionally unavailable people because of a belief that no one will truly love us? What if we hook up with critical people because we judged ourselves? What if we hooked up with controlling people because it mirrored to us our own self-doubt? What if we hooked up with great people because of a belief in our own greatness?
Then consider this, can we change the relationship we are currently in by changing what we believe about ourselves? What would happen if you decided that you were deserving of love? I wonder if you might start seeing the evidence of the love that surrounds you, rather than the lack of it. One (or more) of three things would happen if you did some work on your own belief system and self-esteem.
One, you would start to see the evidence of what you have chosen to believe. Nothing outside of you would have to change at all; changing your inner belief would simultaneously change your perception of reality. When I feel like the world is out to do me good, I marvel at the serendipity of evidence that lines up to prove me right. On the flip side, when I am in a mood that believes the world is out to do me in, that in turn is the evidence I see.
Two, you would start to see the world outside of you change in response to the world inside of you. When I decided to be more loving toward my husband, he responded by being more loving to me. My inner change created an outer change.
Third, your new belief system may no longer allow you to stay in your outer situation. For example, when you really know that you deserve to be treated with love, respect and kindness, an abusive situation is simply no longer an option.
So, if you are going to live by the Golden Rule, make sure you know that you are a magnificent being deserving of love, respect and kindness—as we all are. When you really hold that belief, look around again and see how different the world looks.
Intellectual Foreplay Question of the Week:
Is it our reality that dictates our beliefs, or our beliefs that dictate our reality?
Love Tip of the Week:
Do unto others as they would have you do unto them. Treat them the way they want to be treated, not the way you want to be treated.
Eve Hogan, author of How to Love Your Marriage, Intellectual Foreplay, Virtual Foreplay, and Way of the Winding Path, is also the proprietor of The Sacred Garden, a nursery and healing sanctuary in Makawao. For coaching or speaking events, call (808) 573-7700. Website: www.EveHogan.com. Blog: www.AskEveAdvice.com. Send questions to AskEveAdvice@aol.com.