I feel like I’m just going through the motions of life.Dear Eve,
I am depressed. I don’t think it is clinical or anything serious, I just feel a general sense of melancholy that I can’t seem to shake. It is affecting my relationship because my partner can tell I’m not happy. I feel like I’m going through the motions, but just can’t feel joy. Any suggestions?
Aloha,
Depression can result from a number of possibilities—physical imbalances, hormonal imbalances, dietary imbalances, emotional and spiritual imbalances. Since all of these are imbalances, if you imagine a scale out of balance, what we need to do is add to the other side. It is always good to start with getting a physical, checking your hormone levels and looking at your diet, as physical changes may well be the easiest to adjust. You’d be surprised what a brisk daily walk or swim can do for your mood, or what the elimination of sugar or caffeine can do for your energy. Adding even just five minutes of quiet meditative time or prayer, or artistic expression or journal writing can also make a huge difference. Often really small additions or changes to our lives can drastically improve our moods.
Depression on an emotional level is often the result of feeling disconnected either with ourselves or with loved ones. When we are constantly judging ourselves, or other people, we get depressed. So, retraining ourselves to focus on what we appreciate and practicing acceptance can help to elevate our moods, and our relationships.
Unfortunately, when depression is severe, people tend to make permanent “solutions” (divorce, suicide, etc.) in response to temporary problems. When the grass seems greener on the other side of the fence (or on the other side of your relationship or on the other side of being alive), rather than jumping the fence, try watering your lawn.
Consider what you love to do and begin integrating more of that into your life. Recreation “recreates” joy, love, friendship and happiness. If you don’t know what you love to do, begin taking active steps to find out. Try something new—take a class in dance, singing, art, surfing—whatever seems interesting.
As Wayne Dyer points out, “There is a spiritual solution to every problem.” While there can be a broad definition of spiritual, take some time to define what it means to you. Does “being spiritual” mean being more compassionate and accepting? Does it mean finding time in silence or making time to pray? Does it mean being more loving toward yourself and others? Does it mean being of service? Defining what it means to you and growing your spiritual life may well resolve your problem. Depression can lift when you feel your life is purposeful.
In my experience, ego is always what blocks love and joy. Ego is the part of us that seeks the approval of others and tries to control others. Ego is the part of us that judges others—and ourselves. Ego is the part of us that creates separation and isolation. Ego blames and gets jealous and possessive. These are all a bit depressing. By practicing self-observation, we can begin to notice when we are allowing our egos to run the show and choose, instead, to return to a loving, open heart rather than a judgmental, angry, resentful or depressed one.
Depression is also a sign that some need or desire isn’t being met or that we have become stagnant and aren’t moving forward. A little motion can get e-motion moving again. Ask yourself, what do I want? And really explore what it is that you would like to create. Then, rather than focusing on what is missing, focus on aligning your words, thoughts and actions with what you want to create.
I wish you the best,
With aloha,
Eve
Intellectual Foreplay Question of the Week:
How much time do you give to love?
Love Tip of the Week:
Our feelings are a direct result of what we are thinking. Observe your thoughts and recognize that you have control over how you think. Put your spirit in charge of your thoughts instead of your ego, and your feelings are guaranteed to change.
Eve Hogan, author of How to Love Your Marriage, Intellectual Foreplay, Virtual Foreplay, and Way of the Winding Path, is also the proprietor of The Sacred Garden, a nursery and healing sanctuary in Makawao. It is open 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. daily. For coaching or speaking events, call (808) 573-7700. Website: www.EveHogan.com. Blog: www.AskEveAdvice.com. Send questions to AskEveAdvice@aol.com.