Succumbing to fear is a choice we make.Dear Eve,
I keep hearing about my friends getting laid off, or about businesses closing down. There have not been as many tourists on the island this year and everyone is feeling the crunch, Virtually everyone I talk to mentions the economy and shows just a bit of fear about what is happening not only in our country but all around the world. I am getting scared too and am wondering what I can do so that the fear doesn’t paralyze me?
Aloha,
I empathize, as I have had quite of few of those conversations myself. These are, indeed, scary times and call for all of our skills to be put to use.
As you probably know, I am a great advocate of self-observation, which allows us to become self-aware. When we are aware of what we are doing and thinking and how it is causing us to feel, we have the opportunity to make new choices. Succumbing to the fear is a victimizing feeling and yet doing so is also a choice. If it is a choice, are we truly victims? When we realize that our choices create our experience and that we have the option of making new choices, we become powerful. Even if our choice is a weak one—like succumbing to fear—when we realize that we have chosen this option we are able to take responsibility for what we are experiencing.
First, let me share with you what I do when I feel fear starting to rise in my own body. I observe and notice what I am feeling and practice self-inquiry. Since my thoughts are what are causing me to feel the fear, I ask myself, what am I thinking? What am I doing? What am I saying? What am I imagining?
Usually the things that are causing me fear are not actually happening yet. In fact, fear rarely exists in the present moment because it is, by definition, concern or apprehension over something that hasn’t happened yet. When the thing that we are afraid of actually does happen, fear is then replaced by anger or hurt. Fear mostly exists when we are looking to the future rather than being in the present moment. You have probably heard the acronym for F.E.A.R.—Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real.
So, when I am feeling fear, I ask myself, “Is this happening to me now?” And the answer is usually no. Consequently, I can calm myself down by reeling my mind back into the present. From the present moment I can strategize to protect myself from that which I fear. Even when bad things are happening in the moment, much of the fear is generated from fear that it will continue, fear that we won’t be able to manage it, fear of what it will do to those we love, fear over what the outcome will be…
I’ve said this in the column before but it merits repeating, the beauty of fear is that, if you look at the emotions underneath it, it will reveal to you that which you treasure and wish to protect. What “paralyzes” us is when we approach something from the emotion of fear rather than from the more powerful place of love and protection. For instance, if I am afraid that the economy is going to crash completely and that I won’t be able to survive, I can easily paralyze myself. If instead, I look under that fear I will see that I treasure my life and I want to protect my lifestyle and my family. I am then able to approach the situation from the desire to love and protect, which is a far more powerful place to operate from.
When we switch from honoring the fear to what we want to protect, we are able to strategize and plan to accommodate for the changing circumstances. This requires taking action. “Paralysis” is the inability to move. Strategizing, planning and taking action will protect you from paralysis.
I wish you—and us all—the best in these changing times.
With Aloha,
Eve
Intellectual Foreplay Question of the Week:
What are you imagining?
Love Tip of the Week:
Be watchful of which emotions you “feed” by the thoughts that you think and the stories you continuously repeat. Manage your thoughts and you will better able to manage your fear.
Eve Hogan, author of How to Love Your Marriage, Intellectual Foreplay, Virtual Foreplay, and Way of the Winding Path, is also the proprietor of The Sacred Garden, a nursery and healing sanctuary in Makawao. It is open 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. daily. For coaching or speaking events, call (808) 573-7700. Website: www.EveHogan.com. Blog: www.AskEveAdvice.com. Send questions to AskEveAdvice@aol.com.